So marriage is exciting and fun and blissful, right? Wrong, it can be but it takes work. I think what makes marriage the best is that you always have someone to talk to and do things with. But what happens when you all aren't on the same page about things? That could lead to disaster and even worse, DIVORCE! No one likes that word. Here are 7 things to consider when getting married.
1. Living together
Will you all live together? I know that sounds like really? Why would we not? I'm not sure but some couples choose not to. But, if you plan to live together you need to consider will it be immediately, will it be before marriage? Living together is a big decision, maybe not as big as getting married but it's up there. So you all have to consider buying, renting, or if you already own possibly selling.
Think back to your first roommate, was that a great experience or was it terrible? The thing about a roommate is that they have their living quarters within the home. When you get married you share your private area with your spouse. Are you good at sharing? Are you clean? Are you OCD? Maybe you hate others touching your things.
These are all things to think about. What about a possible relocation? Long-distance relationship? Now someone has to pick up their entire life and move it to the other person. There are lots of things to consider when getting married, where and how you will live is a major factor.
2. Finances
Have you had a finance talk? Do you share financial responsibility? Are you both frivolous spenders? Are you both frugal? Is somebody tight with the cash while the other is free-flowing? Are all finances going to be one persons' responsibility?
You all must be on the same page financially otherwise you will probably end up divorced. Unless one person is super-rich and the other person's spending doesn't affect them. The problem is that eventually, it will wear on the other person. Finances are the most important conversation to have in a marriage. Before getting married. You want to be on the same page.
3. Raising Kids
What are your parenting styles? Who will be the disciplinary parent? If there were kids before your relationship how will that be handled? Also, kids are the number 2 reason for divorce. Don't allow childer to ruin your marriage. Have the kid conversation before getting married. But also remember, kids, are not a reason to be together. If you're unhappy then your kids will be too.
4. In-laws
Are you a family-oriented person? Do you spend every holiday with your parents and siblings? Is it important that your spouse get along with your family and vise versa? If so do some due diligence. Bring them around before marriage and see how they interact. See if it's easy or strange. Decide if that's important to you. Some people don't care, they feel like they are in the relationship, not their family. If that's how you feel, fine but if not, know how it will all work together.
5. Roles
This is a super important topic. Some women are super dominating and sometimes men will think that's cute in the dating stages. Then later they hate it. When you are working towards getting married, you must talk about roles. This can be a big battle for two people who are used to being independent. When independence goes wrong, it can make or break the relationship. Sometimes it's ok to give up control and your independence.
6. Expectations
I know I keep saying "this one is important," but it is, and they all are. Expectations, like roles, can be blurred. They are similar and different. Everyone has expectations of someone, something, and even themselves. You have to communicate that to your spouse. And you may have to compromise and sometimes it's out of the question. But that's something you all have to work on and decide on together.
7. Hard work
Above all, relationships are hard work and marriage is even harder. The reason being is that you can't just give up. I mean, you can but you shouldn't. You took a vow to this person. It's a constant work in progress and each person has to willingly communicate and compromise. You must keep God first in your relationship and always try to see where the other person is coming from.
The thing that I hear single people say all the time is they want to be married. They later contradict themselves by completely dismissing a person over the smallest thing. If my husband and I would have dismissed each other over small things when we were dating, we wouldn't be where we are today. Now listen, I understand deal-breakers if something someone did is a deal-breaker, by all means, keep it pushing.
But look, I get on ALL my husbands' nerves and he gets on my last nerve all the time, but we love and respect each other enough to work through these things. We also have a genuine friendship and bond that stands the test of time.
So when you say you want to be married think about why and what you're willing to do to be married. And ask yourself are you willing to be down with this person? We know the up is easy but like 50 said: "would you love me on the bus?" That's real. Marriage is not all roses and cupcakes. It's a lot of down & dirty, hard work, sweat, tears, blood and so much more. So be prepared because no one wants to get married to get a divorce.
This month I have been married for a year. And it was a lot of work. Believe me, I thought about quitting a few times. But I've grown and learned that everything is not about me and I can't be a selfish individual. So because this is February and Valentine's Day month which is all about love. I have decided to dedicate his month to writing about what I learned as a newlywed. I will be posting a blog on a different marriage topic every Monday and Thursday at 11 am for the entire month of February. So tune in.
If you've considered all of these things and you are still moving forward with getting married, CONGRATULATIONS! And if you're ready to sell your old homes and upgrade to a new home together click this link.
